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Sunday, May 26, 2013

Life is more than your underneath

I've met this guy, who I tot quite attractive, soft spoken and well groom. Who I tot can behave and think properly as his age.  I asked Allah for so long to give  me hint about this guy. Who actually he is? What's going on with his life? And why he was bumped into me?

Then, I finally had a conversation with him via sms, I refused to answer his call coz he makes me scared. My 1st tot was..who the hell he is? Why I felt like talking to a pathetic gigolo? Asked me to send him specific part of my body photos and asked me to hooked up with him in the hotel room or even at home! I decided to cut off that conversation and I still try to let him know that what he was talking about was rude and not fun at all. I was "astaghfirullalazim...ku sangkakan kamu orang baik2, nauzubillah kenapa begini?? and "Pathetic! Again saya salah menilai.." Then I switched off the phone, took a panadol coz my head felt like "boom"! due to hot weather last night and hot stupid smses. It end up I slept in a horror night, takut dia datang dan pecah masuk rumah and rogol...tetiba my lock door room terkuak "klick! krreennk.." (akibat angin) di jam 2 pagi....Aaarrgggg TIDAKKK! Ku imbas2 samada no polis ada save tak? Kawan2 yang baca ni sila beri perhatian SERIUS! I NEED YOU....

This morning while the surau near my house still delivering kuliah subuh and it still dark outside, before I even woke up...I heard a ring from my phone (I switched it on during fajr), don't want to answer coz I still mamai due to headache and late horror sleep last night. Then an sms screaming want to meet me today. I ignored it and busy inventing good reason to refuse. How come I hangout with someone who "joking" lured me into a hotel room? Are you a crazy haina or what? Before I even answer it, the 2nd and 3rd call coming. Don't want to be rude I try hard to answer, maybe his sms doesn't reflex his real mind? (pujuk diri).  But the voice that I heard was totally different from the voice I heard before. I felt like I was talking to XXY chromosome holder dengan segala "nods" nya ke "noks"? Aii... whaever lar susah payah plak aku nak sahihkan term sengal tu. I asked him either he is whom he supposed to be...repeatedly! not to believe my own ears and I asked him "kenapa saya macam bercakap dengan lelaki lembut?" Kurang ajar betul aku...direct jer cakap. Hancus segala attractive manly looking di prasa pertama kat atas. Ker...lelaki kalau nak pretend romantik mmg gitu ya??

Again he is talking nonsense like a pathetic gigolo again and again and again. In his every words! My fresh mind in a newly arise beautiful dawn was puff! and flew away like a puing-puing di samar senja yang menyayat hati. How I suppose to talk to a guy whose IQ is only in his pants?  How I suppose to let him understand that relationship and life is more than that? When I said I don't like your words, you are wrong and shouldn't talk dirty and nonsense, then he said that's a key indicator that he is NORMAL, a signs that he is healthy and he just make a joke and last night he was "stim". Gosh! Mau jer aku sumbat dalam stimmer! what you really want to prove guys? Besar kecil, burung mematuk, ....blablablah...AAK (ada aku kesah?) all sorts of alien languages that I never heard (in this manner) before! Sobs3x......not because I'm not NORMAL but I know the border line. Be realistic and be a mature adults.....I'm not your wife and I'm not even your lover! Guys may be not aware, by doing that they shows no respect towards girls... then how come you asked the girls to pay you respect?

Orang berhemah tidak berkata2 yang tiada bermanfaat dan biasanya bak kata UAI..."guys, you just talking big but you are actually not!" Am I wrong?? (owh! UAI kawen lagi...) UZAR pula cakap "a guy who talking bout SEX with you isn't a good guy" and Ustaz apatah cakap "lelaki yang bercakap tentang duit3x adalah lelaki tak baik"...Fabbiayyi aalaa'i Rabbi kuma tukadzdzi ban...berkumandang di telinga ku. He wanna come to my place and I said TAK BOLEH TAK BOLEH TAK BOLEH..he invited me to his place and I said TAK BOLEH TAK BOLEH TAK BOLEH..he asked me why? I said sebab kita bukan MUHRIM..sikit punya simple reason pun tak paham. How come this 20's something boy trapped in this 40's something body?

While he was talking nonsense I had a chance (imagine how hard to make this attempt) to ask where he live, where he is from actually (hometown la..), because his brain is underneath his belt, then I asked why he is not married yet? When he told me that he was alone since he was a kid. His parents was dead and his grandpa raised him, but only for a while before he dead. He doesn't have any siblings and family.. what he got only money to own a good life, living in Condo and wearing designer shirts. Then I realise...I wonder why the way of his tot is so narrow and he doesn't have good manner too (terlalu bias untuk tangkap muat). When I said money is nothing, but knowledge worth more (I remember what my bro in law's argument..I'll talk about this later)..then he refused and said money is everything, without money we can't go to school etc..then I kept silent.

Back to money matter I've reminded by my bro in law. Indeed! for people like me at this stage maybe money is not everything. But for people who are suffered money is EVERYTHING. They will do anything for money. I maybe see the MLM, the fb business, the so called FOREX (at ground level), and many more including ragut, rompak, pecah kereta, yang tolong orang tipu orang etc..are just ridiculous jobs to make an instant money and I hate them!. Why don't go to school, study hard like me and become somebody that can make HALAL money. Okay, now it comes to "setiap orang ada bahagian rezekinya memasing dan kadang2 rezeki mereka melalui kita"...insaf lah hamba dan sedekahlah walau sebiji kurma.

Back to this full of conflicts guy....I now surrender that I can't make up my mind to his level. I pity him, but I pity myself more. To be someone not me is just a dejavu. History will never be repeated and I am a stupid girl if I fall into the same hole again. First of all...I wonder why I always fall for those kind of guys. Maybe I have to start looking for "budak jahat" who actually will treat women better and understand the meaning of live better. Tapi betul ke ada lelaki perfect camtu? Most men I've met was about the same...even they are a PhD holder. Even they are 50's but they still behave like 20's...

Apa yang perlu saya pegang sekarang.....Percaya dengan kata hati yang pertama, dan yakin apa yang dihijabkan Allah itu sememangnya petanda Dia melindungi kita...Allah help me........




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